at the moment / in the moment (2025)

I feel confused about how to use "at the moment" and "in the moment" in a sentence.

Here is my contexts:
- Hopes that she would be more moderate than her abrasive husband were quickly dashed right in the moment she talked to me.
- Hopes that she would be more moderate than her abrasive husband were quickly dashed right at the moment she started to talk to me.

Could you guys tell me whether I do it right or not, and explain to me why.

Thanks for your visiting and reading it.

Let me back away from your example for a moment, as it has several issues.
Here are a couple of other examples with in a moment or at the moment.

I'm sorry. At the moment I'm rather busy.

As for your original example, it's problematic because a moment is a very brief period of time, and "she talked to me" suggests a longer period that seems inconsistent with such a brief instant. If you change the sentence a bit, you can use moment. A preposition isn't necessary at all:

My hopes that she would be more moderate than her abrasive husband were dashed the moment she opened her mouth.

So let me describe what I get when I read your explanation:
in the moment : is to describe a period of time (short one but still a period of time). And in this period of time, she talked to me, my hopes were dashed.
at the moment : is to describe a point of time. My hopes were dashed for the first second she talked to me.

Did I get it right?

What if I write it this way:
Hopes that she would be more moderate were quickly dashed right in the moment she started to talk to me. (it's wrong, right ?)

With no reference to support me, I see these two phrases as completely different. "In the moment" describes an emotional/mental state of being of a person, while at the moment describes a point in time.

A person may be in the moment - completely absorbed by what is going on around, at one with the circumstance of the present moment. In fact one may be in the moment at the moment of some occurrence.

I have recently seen "in the moment" used in terms of the currently trending pop psychology flavor of "mindfulneess".

I would not use "in the moment" as shown in the example of the OP.

navinq said:

So let me describe what I get when I read your explanation:
in the moment : is to describe a period of time (short one but still a period of time). And in this period of time, she talked to me, my hopes were dashed.
at the moment : is to describe a point of time. My hopes were dashed at the first second she talked to me.

Did I get it right?

Click to expand...

Yes. That is the idea.

What if I write it this way:
Hopes that she would be more moderate were quickly dashed right in the moment she started to talk to me. (it's wrong, right ?)

Click to expand...

Yes, I think it is wrong. I like Embonpoint's "My hopes that she would be more moderate than her abrasive husband were dashed the moment she opened her mouth."

But, and even easier, you can omit both right in and right at, and it sounds idiomatic: Hopes that she would be more moderate were quickly dashed

the moment she started to talk to me.

To add a bit, I think what we're dealing with here is not grammar but simply the idiomatic way we typically express the concept you are expressing here. The idea "at the very moment" is often expressed as "the moment."

The two sentences below are the same, but the first would be more common.

The moment I arrived, she started yelling at me for not having called her.
At the very moment I arrived, she started yelling at me for not having called her.

In the moment is often used to mean your brain is in a particular moment--that you are completely absorbed by what is happening. The movement of "living in the moment," which many people talk about, means that you appreciate each moment of your life fully. So I may have cancer, I may be losing my job tomorrow, but right now I am on the beach with my lover and it's a beautiful day. I'm living in the moment. It means I am appreciating the particular brief space of time fully.

It makes no sense in your sentence. I can't say it's completely wrong gramatically. But it sounds like you are a foreign speaker. Does that make sense?

Embonpoint said:

But it sounds like you are a foreign speaker. Does that make sense?

Click to expand...

Yes I am, I'm trying to widen my English knowledge more deeply.

If I have any wrong grammar when discussing in the forum, please help me to fix it. I appreciate it.

I know you are a foreign speaker. What I was trying to say is the sentence you wrote, while I can't say it's grammatically wrong, makes you sound foreign. We tend to be precise here at WR. If something is grammatically wrong, we say so. Other sentences may just be foreign-sounding or awkward, while not actually wrong.

Your goal (I'm guessing) is to sound as native as possible!

There is probably too much to fix in everything you wrote, but I'll make one suggestion, since it could come up a lot:

If I make any grammatical errors in the forum, please correct me.

Embonpoint said:

In the moment is often used to mean your brain is in a particular moment--that you are completely absorbed by what is happening.

Click to expand...

Hello, everyone!
The following sentence is an example where "in the moment" is used in a different way.
"Discipline is about making decisions based on who you want to become, not how you feel in the moment".
Source: YouTube
Title of the video: "How to Force Yourself to Be Consistent | Simon Sinek's Powerful Insights" (minute 3:02).